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Racer 007
- December 2nd, 2002, 06:41 AM
Went out to my car this morning and pulled out of my driveway as I usually do and decided to dust off the weekends deposit of dust and spatterings of rain and cat footprints.

Grabbed my trusty feather duster and proceeded to dust off the hood. I begin to move down the sides of the car and the roof taking off all those stupid footprints and as I start to dust off my spoiler, I see something smearing. I am like, WTF is that? Maybe moisture still there? Oh well, I keep on dusting and it is smearing all over and I smell something a little acidic. I move closer to the spoiler and it smells like ammonia. I know this smell. I smell my duster to reconfirm my thoughts and it is so. That little fucken cat urinated on my car. Damn him and his territorial pissing. This is my car, my driveway, my yard, not his. WTF was he thinking? Now I have to wash my car to remove his odor so that the other damn neighborhood cats don't claim my rear spoiler as theirs in a retalliatory effort to reclaim MY car as theirs. This is just great.

I am debating whether to leave my dog in the front yard but don't know what is worse, having cat piss on my car or dog piss on my tires. 6 of 1, half dozen of the other.

What really sucks is that I put my feather duster back into my trunk afterwards. About 5 minutes later, the horrible smell of cat piss permeated throughout my car. Damn him. I lighted up a cigarrette to maybe get rid of the smell and when I lifted it to my lips, I could smell cat piss on my fingers.

I hate Mondays.

92es
- December 4th, 2002, 10:56 AM
Use your battery to make a circuit from the ground to your frame. Next time, kitty will learn a lesson on how liquids conduct electricity. :D

Racer 007
- December 4th, 2002, 11:15 AM
Actually, I am looking for some type of poison of sorts. This cat doesn't belong to anybody and thinks it lives in my yard. It is always doing that wierd growl and get's my cat and dog all riled up. I just want it to go away but it's too quick for me to catch and grab it by it's tail and slam it up against the side of the wall after 13 or 14 hard twirls through the air.

detpac
- December 4th, 2002, 12:31 PM
Some issues are better worked out in formal therapy. I've got great rates.:D

DJ Eric P.
- December 4th, 2002, 04:19 PM
Do like me. I had a welder make me a dart gun out of 1/2" shecdule 80 SS pipe. The darts are made out of 1/8" SS stock. I glue earplugs on one end and sharpen the shit out of the other. A good heart shot will end your problems, it did mine.;)

92es
- December 4th, 2002, 08:01 PM
2 words...SPUD LAUNCHER! (http://www.geocities.com/yurtle_t/spud_launcher/)

detpac
- December 4th, 2002, 09:51 PM
Paintball gun. Works very well and washes right off anything it hits, cars, sidewalk, people.

natalia
- December 4th, 2002, 09:52 PM
Potato bazooka is totally overkill. Get some old-style steel jacks (from the game little kids used to play) and a slingshot. After 1 good hit, kitty won't be back. Or put some rocksalt in a bird gun shell and shoot it.

Racer 007
- December 5th, 2002, 07:09 AM
Remember though, I don't want to damage my car. Usually, it hangs out on the hood or roof and as soon as I open my front door he is off and running.

Now, putting the cat in the spud launcher sounds really fun.

92es
- December 10th, 2002, 10:15 PM
LMAO!!!

Who knew kitty could fly? :D